MOVIE REVIEW
Rating: 2.5/5
The movie starts with a “re-hashed” version ( read as Bollywood rap) of the Rishi Kapoor classic ” Bachna Ae Haseeno” track, with Ranbir Kapoor appearing as the man-in-distress thanks to some time spent canoodling damsels in- the- mattress.
High on testosterone , and with a BPO sort of initial salary in his out of teenage years, Kapoor is one of those busy impressing desperate looking hanger-on pals with his numerous conquests. He meets a demure, shy, Punjabi girl, Mahi ( Minisha Lamba) , who is as dumb as she looks. Kapoor intelligently seizes a momentary kiss, but brags of his sexual prowess and smooth landing with the dumb nitwit Mahi to his pals. Girl conveniently overhears. Cries buckets. Is devastated. A sweet romantic journey and innocent dreams is rudely shattered by the young man’s wicked intentions. Before you can say- Boys are like that only, baby , she has disappeared into the mustard fields of Punjab. End of episode 1.
Back in Mumbai, Kapoor shares an apartment with this hot bodied, sculpted bronze-coloured Radhika (Bipasha Basu) , who is one of those modern missus who is aware that live-in relationships gives her conjugal rights as per amended Indian laws. So far so good, and there are some light fun and frivolous moments. Unfortunately for Mr Testosterone , love follows sex. Now out of the blue and his jocks, she proposes marriage. Man gets cold feet ( amongst other things, I assume) , and vamooses to Australia in a jiff, with a friend who preaches promiscuity with such passion, you would feel apprehensive about he and she- animals in the Sydney zoo as well. End of episode 2.
The randy Kapoor then encounters a cab-driver, who looks like Deepika Padukone , and you don’t blame the guy for being over-eager to give her a tip ( pun unintended). Padukone looks a million dollar baby in the wrong profession, but you soon discover she is one of those independent-minded kind, who is not ensnared by a man who goes down on his knees professing undying love and in case of Mr Testosterone, perhaps unending sex as well. She gives him a resounding NO ( but with a sad expression, which hints at a possible reunion) , and walks-off with a well-rehearsed ramp walk, leaving Testosterone to wipe his tear-works.
INTERVAL.
Now comes the usual redemption time. Kapoor tucks his testosterone tightly under wraps ( pun intended) and goes back to his slimy past to seek forgiveness. In the process, he almost gets shot by Mahi’s Sardar husband , a tall and gaunt looking sweet guy played by the lanky lamp-post Kunal Kapoor, who could have done with some sarson ki saag with ghee and malai-kulfi to increase his LDL levels. But post some DDLJ -cloning, Kapoor manages to convince the whole of Punjab that he is repentant and that his one-act kiss was an act of a libido on roller-skates. Kapoor is King in Singh-land.
Kapoor then tracks down former Miss Live-In who is now such a super-star that she throws tantrums like stones, and has a house in Italy that looks like a French mansion . In the most ludicrous track of the film ( how did Aditya Chopra approve such ridiculousness???) she hires him as a PA ( did it mean Pain in the Ass???) , where he does odd jobs , for which she ruthlessly humiliates him. Like throwing him in the swimming pool and cleaning dirty dishes, and chasing floating files into the ocean. It’s immature stuff. Beyond logic, and sadly, not funny either.
Finally, of course, her heart melts like a chocolate bomb with some cold vanilla intrusion, and she forgives him , in the best scene of the film at the airport. Bips acted in that one, and with clothes on.
Back in Australia, humbled but happy, and with no more cock and bull stories to narrate, Kapoor reminisces the dusky cabbie. Padukone , the poor thing has been( in the six months when Kapoor has been on his repentance trip) writing love -letters and suffering in the pangs of missing the man she had so hurriedly rejected. Lovers meet at last. And Kapoor gets to kiss a third chick, even as the male audience groans in disapproval at his dame-luck ( pun intended, for sure).
Ranbir Kapoor plays the role of the insincere lover with sincerity, although over-acting is in the Kapoor genes. Deepika Padukone looks stunning in the Khuda Jaane number, exuding earthy sensuousness. But when she tries to act in the emotional scenes , you wish she was playing shuttle cock for India at Beijing Olympics. Minisha Lamba is a good actress in a tiny role, but probably should have had more pancakes for breakfast than on her face. Bipasha Basu , looks brawny brownie and could manslaughter Kapoor with one punch given her toned body. She is good.
Khuda Jaane rocks. Great song, outstanding picturisation and the only one you hum post-credits. Music, is overall just about passable.
Overall, Bachna disappoints. If you are a romantic , you will like it . Romantics, like everything and anything anyways. .
But if you are not, then Bachna—.
Posted on June 18, 2009
0